"I Hate Poems" by Jasper Soles / by Matthew Fleming

I try to write a poem,

but poems are too hard

Rhyming is for losers

and airy-fairy bards

 

To put a pen to paper

and write about your life

I've had enough of all of those,

they can only cause me strife

 

Free-verse script is awful,

for fools without a beat

Repetition's far too simple

just repeat, repeat, REPEAT

 

Those lovey-dovey ode-things,

that wishy-washy crap

And poems about hatred,

you all deserve a slap

 

Spare me all your ramblings,

I don't care how you feel

Your self-expression surely stinks

of mouldy day-old eel

 

To tell a tale of wonder

never ceases to be trite

To sing of magic wonders

is nothing but pure ****e

 

Your metaphors are useless,

your imagery is vile

Your sense of diction makes me gag,

I cannot stand your "style"

 

So save me your quotations,

please spare me all your rhyme

Shove that poem up your rear

and cease to waste my time

 

I look at what I've written,

this jumble of clichés

Looks like I wrote a bloody poem

so I'm the one to blame!